Belated Happy Penis Day

Leave it to the Japanese.

It’s called Honen Matsuriand is celebrated every March 15 in Komaki, a town about 45 minutes north of Nagoya. Folks haul out a big wooden penis and the celebration begins. Notice in these things that it always has to be big . . . small doesn’t count, so size must matter.

The idea is to bring a good harvest and have babies. Seem easier just to plant the rice and then make love, but who am I to get in the way of a good celebration. Question: does Hallmark in Japan sell Happy Penis Day cards? If not, they are definitely missing an opportunity!

 Well Japan isn’ t the only place.  According to “Urban Dictionary” . . .

In New Zealand, September 4th is national penis day. Heaps of guys in each of the main cities go to a public place (like The Square in Christchurch), get naked and stand in a formation so as to form a giant penis. Lots of chicks and dirty old men go.

Well, I guess it’s better than hanging out with the sheep. It looks a little like a locker room, but hey, whatever floats your boat.  Actually the event is a chance to promote awareness of testicular and prostate cancer.

And actually it’s not just the modern world . . . If you’re in Mikonos take the shore excursion over to Delos.   There never was much on Delos by way of  natural resource, but it became the spiritual center of the Greek world and a thriving center of commerce.  Delos had been a spiritual center for a millennium before Greek mythology made it the birthplace of Apollo and Artemis. Delos became the center of the cult of Dionysus, the Greek party god of wine, drunkenness, celebration and fertility. He was known as “the god who comes” . . . no, notwhat you may be thinking. But hundreds of thousands made the pilgrimage to Delosand returned with little souvenir penis amulets . . . a kind of early Grecian fertility clinic. The symbol of Dionysus was an erect phallus, and if you visit Delos today you can see the remains of the giant erect penises that stood in the Stoivadeion.   At the base of this erection pillar you will see a cock, with it’s long neck, which was another Dionysian symbol.  “Cock” . . . a little free etymology here folks!

Lest all this seem a bit erotically confusing in our modern age, remember that it was not until Pythagoras (582-507 BC), the “Father of Numbers”, came along that anyone had any idea how kids happen!   I mean with all these erections around, they obviously had some idea that drinking wine and making whoopee contributed to the process.  But Pythagoras was the first to speculate that human life begins with a blend of male and female “fluids”, or “semens” originating in body parts. So, with that in mind, and if you wanted a kid, or a good crop of grapes,  a trip to Delos was probably a good idea.

I suppose National Penis Day isn’t such a bad idea.  After all penises bring a lot of fun to life for both those of us who have them and those who don’t. 

It can be a lonely life being a penis, so why not celebrate!